He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
