the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
