Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
