ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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