Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
