yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
