I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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