I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
