I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
