Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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