I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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