we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
