For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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