Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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