she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
