You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
