somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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