Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
