No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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