Cold hands, warm shart.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
