i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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