i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
