It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
