I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
