and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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