all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
