i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
