She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
