I look better un-naked...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
