Don't you send me to vm
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
