I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
