toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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