There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
