And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
