Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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