I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
