I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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