Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
