Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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