After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Rumble strips road head = magical
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
