happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
