First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
