you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
