do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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