yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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