She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
