i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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