Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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