His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
