i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
